Drunk letters to my sober soul two

In my life, people have loved me 

And they have hated me,

And I am humbled by the harmonious balance. 

In the love, I find my weakness, 

And my solid ground. 

In the hatred, I find my strength, 

And my wings.

I fly with the birds, 

But have no fear to swim with sharks.

Because if you pay attention, 

Even the deadliest of people can show you and take you to the most beautiful of depths. 

Drunk letters to my sober soul

Tonight you're drunk

Tonight you danced

Tonight you fell in love with yourself

Tonight you didn't cry

And tonight you were alone

Tonight you smiled, and just in case you don't remember, 

Tonight you were okay.

You might have been numb to the pain, but you felt happiness,

You felt freedom.

Tonight you found a piece of yourself, and fell hopelessly in love with it.

An if that's all you remember then,

Tonight was perfect.

You.

I crave you innocently, 

Without the need for intimacy. 

I crave your words and your smile, 

Your actions to prove you'll stay for a while. 

Without the promise of forever, I want your hand, 

To be there when you fall, and help you stand. 

To love you when life gets tough, 

To know when to call your bluff. 

When life gets in the way, 

To use your strength to get the day. 

I long to touch your skin, 

To confidently say, " you're different from other men." 

Don't speak of marriage, forever is a long time. 

Just speak for right now and tell me you will be mine 

Empty

When you said, " I feel complete bliss with you." I believed you. 

When you said, " I don't know what love is." I showed you. 

When you said, " I want to protect you." I trusted you.

And through all that you made me believe that you didn't want me to leave. That I was different, but your words are as empty as the life you lead. The thought of being without you scared me, I wanted to show you how beautiful it can be to be open with someone who would stand by you. But, 

When I said, " I'm here, until you fuck up." I meant it. 

When I said, " I see you for who you are." I loved it.

When I said, " She isn't me, and won't ever be." You saw it. 

We were beautiful, and twisted... But we worked. 

Now we are nothing, and it's your fault, and I don't hurt. 

Casey.

To the father of my son,
I could never hate you for anything that has happened.
We share a son,  he is our lives captain.
We have struggled so much to see what is right and what is wrong with being together.
We have learned that being apart is for the better.
I still love you,  for all that you are.
You are always in my prayers,  praying that in life,  you go far.
You gave me a life to which I never imagined I would have,
For that I am grateful,  you are still my other half.
I  imagined us growing old for so long,
But when the music stopped,  we forgot the song.
He is the best of you,  and the worst.
I will cherish him forever,  it's not a curse.
I know that we tried for this I will never regret
You are my greatest memory,  for which I will never regret.
I hate that you left in the way you did,
But I know it's a chapter of life that you had to close the lid.
I am not angry,  nor am I sorrowful,
We live our chapter,  and it was beautiful.
You promised forever,  and the moon,  and the stars.
You gave me my forever,  it ended so quickly,  but that's who we are.
I will always love you and want to protect you,
The life we had together is the only thing I knew.
We must grow old,  separate,  but not apart.
We share a son,  this is where our own lives must start.
I will love you forever,
Please don't hesitate to call in bad weather.
I don't call because the sound of your voice brings back happy memories,
It's the sound of a thousand oceans,  I don't want to  drown in the melodies.
You are perfect,  and one day someone will see that just like I did,
Hopefully you're ready next time,  and perfectly on your grid.
Our son is so beautiful,  he looks like you everyday.
You will have a beautiful relationship,  and love him more each day.
Each kiss I give him is for the both of us,
Because you are a part of me,  the only part that I trust.

Finish

You gave her life purpose,
Such truth and meaning.
Without you,  her days are no longer gleaming.
They are dark and sorrowful,
She loves,  but never how she loved you.
Instead of words,  silence takes the cue.
 She is one step closer to being happy,
But she will never be complete.

She will never finish....

Who am I

Who am I?
I am a girl who loves deep literature and
Deep conversation.
I am a girl who will forgive you and forget
Just to avoid confrontation.
I am a girl that rides the waves of the ocean on my back,  just to feel a little closer to heaven.
I am a girl whose favorite number happens to be twenty-seven.
I am a girl that gets over jealous,  even if we aren't together,
I am a girl who will stay strong,  just to make it through the weather.
I am a girl whose love runs so deep that it is never lost.
I am a girl that takes the fall for you,  pays every cost. I I am a girl whose heart belongs to many,  because it would be selfish of me to take it back.
I am a girl that hates to be alone,  because only then I realize what I lack.
I am a girl who struggles with her past,
I am a girl that will love you,  just because you asked.
I am a girl that was created to be the one for many,
I am the girl,  that once you realize you love me,  I will only be a memory.
I will listen to deep music,  just to open my heart to myself.
I will listen to your problems,  so you may feel relieved of yourself.
I will carry your problems,  and make you forget.
But in the end,  I will probably be your biggest regret.

Nightly thoughts

I was told as a child,  never to do anything behind closed doors that you would never do in public.
Fuck that.
What you do behind closed doors is who you are,  and that is something that only the invited should know.
Behind the eyes you can see the secrets that each of us posses.
And what they are should not be aired to the world.
They are genuine,  raw,  and completely naked.
If you take a shower in the bathroom,  with the door locked,  would you take a shower in front of the whole world?
No.
Only the invited should see that.
But who you are is beautiful,  crazy,  and down right perfect,  and I think that if you know who you are,  then you should be able to do whatever the hell you want behind closed doors.

Dear Angel

Dear Angel,
For I never met you,  but I dream of you often.
Your spirit stays with me,  everytime I feel you,  my heart softens.
I hate that I couldn't carry you for longer,
I often think,  " Maybe if I had been stronger."
But I wasn't and I'm learning that's okay,
And I know that I will meet you one day.
I was never ashamed of you,  that I promise.
You are perfect in every way,  absolutely flawless.
I know you watch over me and help me  through everyday,
If it wasn't for you,  I possibly  wouldn't have the appreciation I have for your brother,  anyway.
But you are worth so much more to me than that,
You hold my heart and that's a fact.
I was so young and so then my life begun,
I look forward to meeting you,  when we ride together into the sun.
Love,
Mommie...

I don't even know

Why can't you be ugly, and I be normal?
If life is a game,  why should conversation be so formal?
If you don't understand this then don't speak,
But I am not strong enough to turn the other cheek.
And about strong,  what makes us strong anyway?
Last I was told,  it was pushing through each day.
But I've learned differently in my experience,
It takes strength and wisdom to let go,  to find the clearance.

When you're gone

I'll love you when you're  gone. 

Across the world,  or the country. 

I'll love you through the silly conversations where you speak so bluntly. 

I'll love you through the bad times and the fights, 

I'll love you when you're on your flights. 

Tell me where you are is beautiful,  

And that you are happy. 

Tell me you are where you want to be

I'll be happy for you gladly

I'll be in love with you forever my love,  

And here I'll be when push comes to shove. 

But in the early morning at the break of dawn, 

I can't help but love you when you're gone. 

As deep

As deep as the love flows, 

It's just as quickly to go. 

I cherished you in every way, 

Gave you a son,  you ran away. 

My heart feeling no reason at all to beat, 

Knowing the love of our child,  makes me complete. 

I gave my all,  for you to leave. 

I  searched and searched,  you withheld the key. 

So overwhelmed with guilt of what I have done, 

Only I finished what you had begun. 

Maybe one day you'll love me the same, 

Only your time has already came.  

Intoxicated by love,  I was blinded, 

Only when I go home will I be reminded. 

Your cut so deep it pierced through, 

Now I can only pray to God,  that I will get over you. 

My Demon

Demons? 

We can talk about Demons. 

Not the ones that hide under your bed, 

How about the ones that tried to kill you,  smashed your head. 

The ones that said you would never amount and never go far, 

The ones that tried to kill your mother,  put her in their car. 

The ones that stole a piece of your soul,  that you'll never get back.

The ones that caused you pain,  made you question what you lack. 

How about the ones that got you drunk? 

Or the ones that called you a chunk? 

I remember mine clear as day, 

She showed up so sweetly,  then took three years away. 

And that's not all she took,  oh believe me. 

I have no peace of mind,  and my heart holds no key. 

She made me feel unsafe,  so unwanted. 

That now at night,  in my dreams I am haunted. 

The screams of my mother,  and the shaking of my bones, 

Will never disappear,  and this she owns. 

I suffer psychologically everyday, 

Will I ever be accepted,  at least in one way?

Being stripped of my pride,  my independence,  and my humanity  has all had its effect on me, 

I'll just make sure that I'm not the piece of shit she thought I would be.  

Drugs

Let my love be your drug and I'll get you high

I'll take you to the moon,  the stars,  and beyond the sky. 

I'll go with you willingly on this unintended trip

I'll take your pain,  make you forget. 

I'll inhale your free spirit and you will pass out from freedom

I will suck you dry and become your demon. 

I'll latch on to you before you may oppose, 

I'll dress you down,  you may even decompose. 

I will take everything you have before it's even here, 

" It's all your fault" I'll whisper in your ear. 

Until the day you let me go, 

I'll build up in your mind,  and you will never grow. 

Challenge me

Intoxicate me with your words.

Pleasure me with your mind. 

For you are the only drunken high I may find. 

Kiss me with your heart. 

Sink into me with your thoughts. 

Share your wisdom,  that you so graciously brought 

Tease me with debates 

And tell me you're smarter

Challenge me to talk,  but I won't loosen my garter

But when it all comes to an end 

Your just a friend
That knows my soul like the back of his hand. 

Maybe

Maybe in a past life we were together.

Maybe we held on and made it through the weather.

Maybe one of us died and the other never let go.

Maybe one of us cheated and the other never let the heart break show.

Maybe I was a game you played everyday.

Maybe you were my sunshine in the midst of my grey.

Maybe I  was your words when you couldn't speak

Maybe you were the mountain and I was your peak.

Or maybe we never really knew each other at all.

Maybe I was the jumper and you were my fall.